That Time I Became A Foster Parent: FINAL CHAPTER

 Maeve, Wild & Free

“Live, Learn, Thrive!”

 

PART FOUR

   Cora wanted to talk to me less and less and it was concerning. I would go to the hospital and visit them whenever I could, but once I got my surgery I knew I would not be able to visit as much as I was. Over the next two weeks, Cora stopped coming home altogether and just stayed at the hospital. During this time, I noticed that Cora was beginning to leave the hospital more often to go be with her boyfriend (and the baby’s father). I tried to be cool about this, but she was becoming irresponsible with it. I was always very uneasy about their relationship because her boyfriend was a grown man, he was not a teenager anymore he was 20 years old. I told Cora that if she can leave the hospital and be with her boyfriend all day then she can come home as well. Her main excuse as to why she was not coming home was because she had to be at the hospital for feeding every few hours. Cora was learning to breastfeed and the baby was learning to be breastfed instead of tube fed.  See, at my place Cora earned an allowance for doing daily chores and daily worksheet assignments that I would create for her based on areas I noticed she needed improvement in and also worksheets based on her career choice. The higher she scored on the worksheets and weekly tests, the more she made from it. Cora still waned the same amount of money in order to sustain at the hospital with the baby, but that is not realistic as she was not doing anything to earn the same amount.

   My job in housing her was to prepare her to be on her own very soon, not to coddle and spoil her because she has trauma. I wanted to teach her to be more responsible and especially to handle money better. I needed her to understand that she was only getting so much money from me because she was working for it. Nothing in this world is free, so if you can not come home to clean up and do your worksheets then you will get what you get. The hospital supplied her with three meals a day so anything else was extra and I was fine with that until she started to expect it from me with no appreciation. Once she became a mother, she was no longer a child in my eyes. It was time for her to learn how to be a responsible adult, if she was not spending the hundreds that she was getting from her allowance to get baby stuff like she should have then there was no way I was going to trust her to spend that money responsibly being on her own (at the hospital day and night). Therefore her allowance stopped until she returned home with the baby and in the meantime I would send her just enough to survive the week. This eventually drastically slowed down because I was noticing that Cora was spending most of the money I sent for food, on weed and giving it to her adult boyfriend who at the time was working. I opened an account for her through Cash App, so I was able to see everything that she was doing with her money. Instead of preparing for her baby to come home, she was shopping online, buying weed and vapes, and spending it on her boyfriend. I tried to stress the fact that I was not buying her things for the baby, that was what the allowance was for. It was not as if she was only getting $20, she received a great portion of my income as long as she earned it. More than enough to have everything she would need for her baby. I wanted to give her the responsibility of shopping for her child and providing for her child. I wanted to get her ready to show her what it will be like in the next year or two when she was going to be on her own. Cora did not take me serious until she realized that I was not buying anything for the baby. Well, to her knowledge at least. I would buy things and keep them in my closet so that she would not have the mindset of “Auntie will get everything” because that was not my baby, it was hers and it was time for her to grow up.

   Once the baby was finally released, then the rules from the state changed immediately. Her freedoms were gone, which I tried to prepare her for because she’s a mom now. Cora was under the impression that I was going to be taking her baby whenever she wanted to go anywhere or do something as simple as go to the bathroom. I do not mind watching the baby here and there but that is not my baby, I chose not to have kids for a reason. That was not my responsibility, that was hers. Cora was not expecting me to stick to that once the baby finally got home but trust me I did. When you have a premature baby in the foster system, there are a lot of rules. Rules that Cora was not ready for. The baby was not allowed to be in populated public areas, could not spend the night anywhere, and the baby had to have a nurse come check in twice a week. Cora was fine with these rules in the beginning because she thought that this meant that I would just be with her baby all day while she and her boyfriend kicked it in the streets doing whatever. No ma’am, absolutely not. After everything I’ve done for Cora and to make this entire move possible for her, she decided that she was not ready for the baby to come home and be fully responsible for her baby. I was always more than willing to help whenever I seen fit but she would ask me to watch the baby for an hour or two and then be gone all day. That is never ok. The first day that Cora and the baby came home from the hospital, Cora asked me to watch the baby for a few hours because she was overwhelmed and needed a break. They had not even been home for 30 minutes yet. It was then I knew that I had my work cut out for me when it came to her and this baby. Not even a week after the baby was released from the hospital, Cora decided that she no longer wanted to live under rules and that she wanted to move freely with and without the baby. She realized that it was not going to be that way under my roof. Lydia wanted Cora and the baby to go to a water park with them for the 4th of July, this would mean that I would have to cancel my plan with my fiance in order to stay home and watch the baby. I needed Cora to understand that life was different for her now that she was a mother herself. If the baby is at risk and can not be in population, then that means that mommy has to stay home with baby or find a babysitter she can trust (as well as me seeing how they would have to babysit at my home) and she did not like this idea. This was her breaking point and the deciding factor that she had to leave my home because she realized that I was not going to be the type to cancel my plans to watch her baby and let her continue to do whatever she wanted as she was used to for years everywhere else. Cora is the mother, that falls on her now not me. I told her she could go but I would not be watching the baby because I already had plans. Within the next two days, she managed to start a huge argument between Lydia and I to kind of start the process of going back home with her mother.

       I knew from the beginning that Cora was being messy and starting drama so I just ignored Lydia when she started texting my phone about it. Unlike me, Lydia actually believed everything that Cora was saying and was actually getting upset about it and still blowing up my phone harassing me. If you know me personally, then you know that I do not argue. I will fight, but I will never sit there and really go back and forth with anyone. If you want to fight it out, we can do that but I’m not giving myself a headache because you’re emotionally immature. It will either be a mature conversation or a childish physical fight, I will never argue. About two days before the 4th of July, Cora went on a lunch date with the social worker to discuss the recent drama that she has been taking place and when she got back from this date she told me that she is moving back in with her mother at the end of the month. I was a little frustrated at first because no one knows all I went through to even make this happen and all I lost to make this happen. Over these few months, I have seen such great growth in Cora all around. She had a better attitude, was dealing with conflict much better, setting boundaries and sticking to them, her vocabulary was growing, she was getting straight A’s in school, and just all around doing much better because I really took my time with her. We both learned from each other and grew from this experience. I felt very unappreciated but she’s still young, she has no idea what she’s doing. Cora and I never had an argument while she was with me, she never said she did not like being with me, she actually more than once thanked me for saving her and her baby. So this was all just coming out of nowhere for me. I mean, throughout this entire time she begged and cried multiple times stating that she never wanted to live with Lydia again. I was always for them mending their relationship and getting on good terms with one another, but to snake me in order to make it happen is hurtful. It went from Cora wanting to leave by the end of the month, to her wanting to leave by the end of the week, to her leaving that night. While she was out with her boyfriend, she texted me and said “Imma leave tonight with my mom.” All I asked of her was  to be completely sure about it because once she left, she was not allowed to move back in. I was not going to go through months of that process again for her to come stay with me the moment she knocks her moms head off again. Once she told me she was sure about it, I packed up everything of hers and the baby’s and had it sitting right at the door waiting for her. I was not ever upset about her going back to her mom, I was hurt because of how she went about it. Lydia is her mom, not me. I could never be her mother, the only thing I can ever be is an aunt to her. From the beginning I was rooting for them, I wanted them to make up and be in each other’s lives. To disrespect me to make it happen though is where I draw the line. When Cora left, she gave me a big hug and I told her not to go backwards. Everything that she learned while she was with me, I wanted her to continue to apply that to her everyday life regardless of being with me or not. I already knew once she left, I would never see her or the baby again. Lydia already told me that Cora was using me to get stuff for her baby and to have a safe place to be for her pregnancy. Lydia promised me that she would never let me see any of my nieces again. This was something I was prepared for. However, what I did not see coming is the fact that Lydia would proceed to harass me. I offered multiple times for Lydia to fight me or leave me alone. She insisted on blowing up my phone and once I blocked her, she blew my phone up with a private number. What I really did not see coming was the disrespect that Cora had waiting for me. Apparently she had a lot on her chest that she wanted to get off about me. Once I blocked Lydia, Cora began blowing my phone up threatening me and just being vulgar. Lucky for her, she is not 18 years old yet. I did not even bother responding to that mess, she is a child, I would never sit there and exchange words or energy with a child. Later this year once she turns 18, if I am still here then she is more than welcome to come see me about whatever chip she has on her shoulder and I will gladly knock it the hell off for her. Until then and even afterwards, it is always nothing but love niecey! Even now, I get random threatening and vulgar texts from them, but I still will not reply. As I have said, I will never really go back and forth with anyone. We can either talk our issues out like adults, or I can calmly whoop your ass. Either way, it is nothing but love ever for all of my nieces and nephews and their parents. 

UPDATE:

     I have reached out to one of Cora’s teachers and some other mutual contacts to check up on Cora and the baby. Lydia does not like to babysit because the baby “cries too much” and apparently Cora did not go live with her mother, she went to stay with her adult boyfriend. Which I knew would be the outcome. Her teacher says that Cora is doing great, still in school, and the baby is doing great. The baby is healthy and happy! This makes my heart so warm because I was genuinely worried about her progress, but to know that she is keeping up and doing well makes me so joyful and proud of her. I have not seen Cora or the baby since the day she left my care but I still and will always love them. As I have stated, I want nothing but great things for everyone, even those who wish bad for me. I will “get in the field” with anyone if it will make them feel better and resolve whatever issue they have with me, but that does not take away from any of the love I have in my heart for everyone on this beautiful planet. I will end this story time by saying, no matter what the world brings to you, never let it change your heart. Be wiser, but never change your heart. The world will never break me, as long God keeps air in my lungs I have joy. I have slept in my car before (another story time) and still smiled everyday. Spread more love, not hate. Please for anyone who prays, say a prayer for Cora, Lydia, the baby, and everyone involved. I truly hope that Cora goes after the career that she wants and his happy in life, that young lady deserves it. LIVE, LEARN, THRIVE!

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Tips are not necessary but greatly appreciated as I am still recovering from my car accident and waiting for benefits. Thank you in advance and take care!

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 This is how much Cora came to me with. Actually, less than this because she had no bed.

 This was what was provided in the absence of her mother bringing her brand new bed, until my fiancé went and got her a set.

 By the time she left, she accumulated all of this and more.

   

 

 Mind you, if you know me then you know that these are ALL things I have said directly to Lydia before as her friend. I am real with everyone and I am this way out of love. 

 As predicted, I am no longer allowed to have a relationship with my nieces. I respect it, I will just check in with them when they get older and are able to be reached on their own.

 I sent an invite to the baby sower to one of Cora’s grandmothers and she let me know that she was not even aware that Cora was in the foster system nor did she know that Cora was having a baby.

* I am not proud of the way I lowered myself to Lydia’s level and went off on her but I was fed up with taking all that I have from Lydia. I can only stay quiet for so long before I handle the situation for good.