The Time I Became A Foster Parent: PART TWO

Maeve, Wild & Free

“Live, Learn, Thrive!”

 

That Time I Became a Foster Parent

PART TWO:

    Cora ran away from that foster home and was gone for a while, this time she didn’t reach out to me or anyone else. When the police finally caught up with her, they discovered that she was pregnant! I tried multiple times to talk to Lydia and see what I could do as their aunt and her best friend, but any time I would bring it up, she would always cut me off and say “Fu** Cora! I don’t give a fu** what happens to her, she will never be allowed in my home again! Fu** her and that baby!” I’ve watched as Lydia has become more and more obnoxious over the years. This was it for me though. Not only had she completely dismissed the conversation once Cora’s name came up, but the things she said about her own daughter was unacceptable to me as a women. Since she expressed multiple times how she doesn’t care what happens to Cora, I decided to take matters into my own hands. 

     I immediately called Cora’s caseworker and asked them what do I need to do in order to have Cora come live with me. The caseworker warned that it would be a long and tedious process, but at this point I knew that I had to do whatever it took. I completed every requirement, moved my entire life around and became a certified foster parent in the state of Ohio. I stopped smoking black and milds completely because not only was Cora pregnant but she had an addiction to milds as well, even during the pregnancy. I cut my hours drastically at work  because one of the rules from the state was that Cora could not be left alone for a period of time. I didn’t know how I was going to do it honestly but I just knew that I had to do this for her and her baby.

     The process was a lengthy one for sure and highly invasive. The state didn’t just need my background and life history, but my fiancé’s, friend’s, and family’s as well. Prior to her being placed with me, I had to of course furnish her room. Which thankfully I had a spare room, since growing up in a large family I have always kept a spare bedroom just in case. In this case however, the spare room was actually my cat’s bedroom. Yes, Pheebie has her own room wherever I go. As I am getting everything ready for Cora’s arrival, Lydia is offering her help with everything.  I wasn’t even supposed to get her a bed because her mom had one for her already and it was brand new. So I made sure I got everything Cora would need so she could be comfortable while we were waiting on was her bed from her mom. I don’t know why it was making Lydia so angry that Cora was with me, but she did not like it at all. Lydia told Cora that she isn’t rushing to get her bed to my place and that she doesn’t jump when Cora says to, but Lydia knew for weeks that Cora was coming to be with me and that I needed that bed for her. I mean after all, I did get everything else that she needed, it was the very least Lydia could do for her. Lydia never brought the bed after almost a month of asking her then got upset when my fiancé got her one instead. She never wanted Cora to stay with me, she was begging the social worker not to let Cora back in Youngstown and not to let her stay with me. This almost ruined Cora’s chances of staying with me because she was scared that the state would listen to her mom and keep her in that foster home. Hearing this made Cora jet off once again!

     Thankfully, Cora kept in touch with me this time. Cora told me she ran away again because she heard her foster mother talking to Lydia about keeping her there and how Lydia is going to stop me from taking Cora. That foster mother had 12 foster children in her home, Cora was just another check to her. That woman did not want to let my niece go and it was really weird to me. When I began calling the first time, she would not allow me to speak to Cora. The foster mother told me once the caseworker proves that I am Cora’s aunt then I will be permitted to speak to her. Once I was finally able to speak to her, I noticed immediately that Cora’s voice sounded very timid and nervous. I later discovered that the foster mother would sit right next to her every time we spoke on the phone. Whenever I would update Cora on the progress of her being placed with me, the foster mom and Lydia would tell Cora that I was lying and that she was not coming with me. Whenever I would bring this up to Lydia, she would always deny it. Once I finally proved to Cora that I got accepted for placement and that she was coming with me, Cora told me where I could pick her up so that I could turn her in. She had to serve about two weeks in juvenile detention before being placed with me but once she got with me she was relieved. Cora could finally feel a sense of peace, for now.

   The point of me taking my niece in was because I knew that my niece would never disrespect me in the ways that she disrespected her mother or anyone else for that matter. I knew that I could give my niece what she has been needing, guidance and discipline out of love. Once Cora arrived at my home, I told her we will start from ground zero. I will treat her like a normal teenager and give her regular chores and house rules. The restrictions depends on her and how well she can follow simple directions. I strongly encouraged a relationship between her and her mother, I believed that by Cora not living under the same roof as Lydia then they would have a better chance at mending their relationship. Cora wanted to work on the relationship with Lydia, and though she wasn’t sure how to show it, I know Lydia wanted to as well. They started off really good because Cora was able to ask Lydia to leave anytime she felt an argument coming, which I was so proud of Cora for setting boundaries and sticking to them. She struggled with it in the beginning because she didn’t know that she was allowed to ask her mother to leave her room. She said she thought it would be disrespectful and she didn’t want to start a fight. I took the time out with Cora that Lydia didn’t have the patience for because she has four other girls to tend to. I explained to Cora that there are so many ways to respectfully set boundaries for yourself. You have to know you’re limit with people, or else you become either a doormat or an angry person. With their history I felt it was best for Cora to find a respectful way to express herself to not just her mother, but to everyone. Cora’s communication skills were so poor and her book smarts were very low. She missed so much time in school by being a runaway and by being in and out of homes, she lacked the basic comprehension skills. Once I seen this lack of knowledge in her, I sprung into action. I began staying up all night making worksheets for her to do such as vocabulary words, world history, black history, math, science, any subject you could think of. I wanted her to know that she could be anything that she worked towards. Once I found out what she took an interest in, I dove into that and tried to teach her as much as I could find about it. Cora began doing so much better and she was becoming much happier with her new home situation. Her communication skills thrived, and she was becoming more mature all just in a few months. I was teaching her how to cook, pay bills, manage life, figure out life plans, and so much more. She was absolutely thriving and her baby was so healthy in the oven.

    Unnaturally, this angered her mother and caused them to have yet another falling out. Lydia felt as though I had betrayed her in some way for some reason for Cora to be behaving so well with me. This was the only placement in which Cora did not run away not once, and she was able to be  a normal teenager. Lydia couldn’t understand what I was doing so differently and why her own daughter respected me more than her. Now, I know the actual answer to that but to be completely honest, other than the obvious, I don’t know why she was normal with me. I mean, when Cora was living at home with Lydia, she was heavily medicated just in order for Lydia to be able to be around her. I remember one time when Cora ran away (this was when she was in the foster system) and she told Lydia and I where she was and asked us to pick her up and turn her in, Lydia was panicking about it and asked if I could just go alone because she couldn’t be around her, she was ‘too anxious’. In other words, she was too damn scared. Yet again, I still don’t know why me? I disciplined Cora as well, I wasn’t her favorite person at times as well. So why didn’t she ever run away from my place? Why didn’t she ever try and get in my face when I was telling her off? I don’t have the answers. All I know is that I took the time out to give her love and be there for her. I never called her names, even when I was thinking it. I never gave her anger, just love. Once I had to put Cora on punishment because she lied to me and wasn’t doing her school work. My fiancé and I went to the school to speak to the teachers ourselves before deciding what actually happened and how to handle it. I told her she was not allowed to leave the house until I see progress in her online studies . I retrieved her school log in information from her teachers so that I could log on daily and see in live time what she was doing. This showed Cora that I was serious and she will not get over on me. She was not happy about this at all but she didn’t run away. She didn’t disrespect me. Cora stayed in her room and cried for two days but she was ok after that. She knew that I still loved her and I just wanted to see her be as great as I know she can be.

      Lydia was actually starting to cause so many problems for Cora, that she had to completely cut contact with her (against my wishes!) because it wasn’t healthy for the baby. Once Cora did that, her pregnancy started to do a lot better and they were both healthier. Cora would do her chores and collect her allowance and go spend time with her boyfriend often. This went on for a while until she started talking to her mother again. I was so happy for her even though Lydia no longer likes me or speaks to me at this point. I was just happy thinking that they were mending their relationship, again. Just within the short time she started to talk to her again, Cora began feeling stressed and overwhelmed more often. This caused her overall mood to change causing her not to eat as often. One day Cora had a headache and each time I went to check on her, it seemed to get worse. She asked Lydia to take her to the hospital and she said yes but just give her some time. A few hours went by so Cora called her again and this time Lydia said “You not my only child! I got other kids, Cora. I’m making dinner right now, you gon have to wait.” I told her to text her and tell her don’t worry about it, just finish dinner and I will take you myself. The only reason I didn’t take her hours ago is because Lydia was always causing a problem whenever I would do something for Cora and the pregnancy. She felt like I was trying to be Cora’s mom and I wasn’t, I was just being an aunt. I mean, its not like I can call on you and ask you for anything when it comes to her. Lydia would do it for me faster than she would do it for Cora. That is why I just stopped asking and started doing. You can not be that I step up when you do not. I could never be Cora’s mother, but she needs someone.

      When Cora and I arrived at the emergency, we knew we would be there a while once they said “High BP..” and “Labor and delivery floor.” They sent her upstairs to labor & delivery after about two hours saying that if her BP doesn’t come down, they are going to have perform a C-Section. We let Lydia know and she said to “Call if the baby’s coming.” Cora wanted her to be there with her, not me. This is why I started to just do instead of ask, she was unreliable. Can’t make you feel included when you obviously don’t want to be there. Cora’s BP couldn’t go down because she was stressed and worried, she isn’t supposed to be having this baby yet and Lydia isn’t here.

*Below are just a few screenshots as proof that I am not just making things up about Lydia’s character. The names have been edited out of the pictures for legal reasons.

The last message underneath says how Lydia is unable to bring the bed again and probably will not until the weekend…. It was Tuesday. This was after about a month of back and forth about this bed, so we decided to get her a set ourselves.