That Time I Became A Foster Parent: PART THREE

Maeve, Wild & Free

“Live, Learn, Thrive!”

 

That Time I Became a Foster Parent

PART THREE:

        A few hours into the morning, Cora has to have the C-Section done and she did amazing. She was so calm and she handled that situation like a pro, I was so proud of her! Lydia was there and she was supportive during the process and after, she was officially a grandmother! She was filled with excitement, love, and joy! Talking about all of the things she couldn’t wait to buy for the baby and everything she was going to do with and for the baby. The baby would have to spend the next few months in the NICU due to it being born prematurely, but this gave everyone time to fully prepare and get last minute baby items. Only, within the next few months everything would change.

    Before the baby got here, I started planning the baby shower about a month after she was placed with me. It was stressful because I was trying to not only get everything a pregnant teenage girl would need, but plan an entire baby shower simultaneously, all on my own. It started out with both Lydia and the other mom (Cora’s boyfriend’s mother) being involved in the entire thing but then quickly turned into a solo project. The only duty I had was to get the venue and to decorate. Lydia was supposed to supply three or four dishes and some beverages, then the boyfriend’s mother was a caterer so she was mostly in charge of the food for the shower. I failed to realize that the baby shower dates that we picked were around graduation time so mostly every venue I could think of was booked! I needed this to be a beautiful baby shower, we couldn’t just “pull up” to a park bench and hope there is a table or two. I definitely was not having it at my place either. There happened to be a cancellation at one of the venues I checked out weeks earlier, so they called me and gave it to me. Once that was booked and paid for, I began shopping for the decorations and game prizes. Had that precious baby decided to come before I booked the venue, then I would have just gotten her everything and never bothered with a baby shower. Once the baby was born, it was too late for a refund. Cora and I knew for about a month or two that she was going to have the baby early, and she did. Three to four months early!  Roughly three weeks prior to the shower, Cora and Lydia got into another argument and this was partly why Cora had to stay in the hospital for so long after the C-section because her BP would not go down from all of the arguing with her mother. Whenever Lydia and I would visit Cora and check on her, Lydia always acted as if she has been the most active mother since Cora’s placement with me and acted as though they were best friends and nothing happened. As though when her pregnant daughter called her in pain asking for her mother and wanting her mother to take her to the hospital, she didn’t totally blow her off. Or completely refuse to bring Cora her bed so I had to get one instead. Cora was fed up with it, she didn’t want to keep hearing all of the lies and fairytale stories about what she is going to do for her and the baby when she hasn’t yet. Other than the baby shower contribution, I mean not a single pacifier or anything. Lydia kept naming items that she was going to get for Cora and the baby but we already had it all. I didn’t say anything about what we had and didn’t have. That is Cora’s mom, not me. Lydia can get her daughter and grandchild whatever she wants to get them. If we already have it then there is no harm in having more, if you have kids then you know this. Cora being Cora, and also not a fan of her mother, she would quickly tell Lydia “I already have that.” “She already got that for us.” “We already got that too.” I felt it was just to get back at her mother for not being there. I mean, I did agree with how Cora felt but I always told her out loud that “It is not ok to disrespect your mom. If you feel a way about something, you find a respectful way to say it. Being rude and nasty gets you no where good. If she says something that we already have at home, don’t shut her down and just say no. When you have a baby, no job, still in high school, and no plan, then you need all the help that you can get. If she wants to give you 20 of the same thing, let her. It’s 20 less that you’ll have to stress about where it’ll come from when the time comes, and trust me you will.” Cora actually listened and stopped dong that to her mom, she was more welcoming and respectful. For some reason, this really upset Lydia. The fact that Cora’s entire attitude and mood changed after a conversation with me, she couldn’t stand to see that. I don’t know why it made her so upset for her daughter to have someone to confide in and trust. Especially it being me of all people. Most of the adults Lydia hangs around are pill heads, drunks, and not someone I would leave my kids with. Prior to me taking Cora in, Lydia and I always told each other we loved each other more than some of our own blood siblings, so I don’t know why all of a sudden she just hates me so much. We have been through too much together for THIS to be the reason why we fall out. When I left to go home for the night, Cora took the opportunity to bring things up to Lydia. They argued about a lot of things that should have been talked about long ago. Within this argument, Lydia tells Cora that I am not her family and that I have her brainwashed to be against her. Lydia insisted that I was the reason that their relationship was what the way that it was. Lydia stopped talking to me once I got Cora a bed, so she has no idea what it was like in my household. One thing I did not tolerate was Cora disrespecting her mother in front of me at all. She is allowed to vent to me when she needs to but outside of blowing off some steam which is very healthy, I would not allow her to be mean or disrespectful towards Lydia. Regardless of Lydia’s feelings and actions towards me, I still deeply loved and cared for her and our friendship. She was more than my brother’s baby mom, or my niece’s mom. She was my sister. I mean, we were extremely close. That girl has cried in my mouth drunk before (I was sitting and she was standing above me) so when I say we were close, I mean that was my best friend. We were so close that I thought she knew she could literally talk to me about anything  in this world. If I did something to hurt her, all she had to do was talk to me. I did nothing wrong though, that’s why she refused to talk to me every time I gave her the chance. I have always tried to include Lydia in everything and make sure that she knew I could and would never replace her. It was Lydia that was never reliable and forced me to always have to step up.

      Once Cora had the baby, she had to stay at the hospital longer as well because her BP was still very high even after the C-section. Due to the trauma that Cora has experienced, all of the drama going on lately, and the fact that the baby was so premature, she made a list of rules. No one had a problem with these rules but, you guessed it, Lydia. One of these rules were that Cora didn’t want any pictures of the baby posted online, so I got creative and asked Cora’s permission if I could post a picture of the baby with an emoji hiding the face? Cora actually loved this idea because you know she lives for the drama of it all, it gave a sense of mystery so she said yes! This caused Lydia to go into a rant while I was at home and that was the cause of their argument. Cora expressed that she won’t take any slander on my name because I’ve done nothing wrong to anyone, I was only ever trying to help and told Lydia that I saved her in many ways. Lydia was infuriated and decided to clean her hands of Cora and I from that moment on. She sent Cora and I a text the next morning (inserted in the bottom) to let us know that she will no longer be attending the baby shower and that she will no longer be in contact with us. Then, she had the audacity to ask me for the $80 she sent me a week prior towards the $250 I spent on the venue back. Is it wrong that Cora and I already expected Lydia to find a reason not to come to the baby shower? This was no surprise to us, disappointing, but expected. As we neared the baby shower, Cora’s boyfriend’s mom who caters, said she is covering the food and will set it up really nice with holders and the warmers underneath. I had friends helping me gather the decorations, and then I ordered a customized snack table with the baby’s name on them; matching the theme of the baby shower perfectly. Everything was coming together, and now that we were only a few weeks away from the shower it was time to send out the invitations. Cora was loving how the decorations were coming together and we were beginning to get really excited. Since the baby was born already, I used some keepsakes from the hospital and put them in large letter blocks spelling the word “BABY”. Two days before the baby shower, the other mom-the caterer- who was bringing the food for the entire event, tells Cora’s boyfriend that she can no longer make it to the baby shower. Two days before the event!  I wanted to cancel it so badly because now both mothers will be missing their kid’s first baby shower. Though this really upset me and discouraged me, I didn’t let these feelings linger for long.  Not that I had very long to be upset about it, the venue was booked and so were the custom snacks/desserts. Thank God that I have people that love me, so that meant that they loved Cora. With the help of my best friend  and my fiance, we managed to get enough food and drinks for the event and I was able to cook everything in time and my fiancé was on the grill at the venue. Though Lydia did not show up, we still had a lot of fun. An hour before the baby shower ended, the boyfriends mom and his side of the family decided to show up. His mom said that she couldn’t make it because she had her graduation ceremony that morning. Had this been something she told me when I originally ran the date by her, I could have changed the date. I didn’t even pick the venue yet when I sent everyone the date, she had so long to tell me this instead of two days before, knowing that she was bringing the food. Regardless of the many mishaps it took to get here, the baby shower was beautiful and Cora enjoyed herself anyway. She received so many gifts that we needed four different cars to come and drop everything off at my place. So I would say that it was a success.

       Once the baby shower happened, things sort of shifted with Cora. She was really broken up about her mom, sisters, and entire family NOT showing up. Still I tried to make excuses for Lydia, but after everything how can I honestly defend that type of behavior? Over a disagreement with me, you really deprived your child, grandchild, and her siblings of that experience? Cora can have more kids and there can be more chances but there will never be another FIRST baby shower. Lydia missed that opportunity. Cora began not coming home from the hospital, she would just stay there constantly or go to her boyfriend’s place and then back to the hospital. The hospital was a two-minute drive from my place, I was used to her coming home for food and clothes or just to say hi. Once it stopped, I knew something was going on with Cora. I was just praying that it wasn’t postpartum depression….

Below are more screenshots as proof that everything I am saying is true and valid. 

 Most of the gifts from the baby shower.

Back tracking to Lydia’s outburst that led her not to come to the baby shower:

 This is me including her, which she always complained that I never did. Though Lydia was bringing the drinks and some dishes, I invited her to help me set it up as well since Cora is her daughter. I thought it would be nice for us to do as well, together. 

 Instead, I woke up to this the next morning after Lydia’s outburst.

 Cora sent this to me after I’m already confused about why i received that text from Lydia. Cora opened the door for that tough conversation that Lydia was not yet ready for, so she did not respond very well. 

 Once I was brought p to speed on the events that unfolded that morning at the hospital and via text between Cora and Lydia, I tried to make things better and get out of it as well. This has nothing to do with me, this is a conversation they should have had years ago.                                                                                                                            

                                                                                                                           

                                                                                                                        

    Lydia’s response to this was “I’m cool on y’all” and blocked me…. For now.

                                                                                                                     

Names and phots have been edited out of the screenshots for legal reasons. I chose not to include pictures from the baby shower because they were too personal and for legal reasons of course.